"22 Things That Happen When You’re A Girl With Mostly Guy Friends"
This unrealistic, romcom, cancelled sitcom like list irritated me enough to write this. I am a female with mainly male friends and not in a "I'm just too pretty for other girls way" more in a "I was raised by wolves and make other women uncomfortable with my off colour jokes and my hatred of shopping" way. I have a best friend and she is a girl, but I work in a male dominated industry and I went to an all girls school... which means most of my formative experience with members of my own sex involved me being called a cow and locked in cupboards. Anyway here's my list of things that happen when you're a Girl with mostly Guy friends... the realistic list... not the "OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS TOTALLY LIKE NEW GIRL!" list (as much as we'd all like that to be true)
1)You'll have heard more stories about anal sex than you care to divulge
2) their ever changing preferences re: pubic hair on "the ladies" will become something of a fun after dinner debate
3) they'll get girlfriends who you try to be friends with but fail... There's a reason your friends all have balls
4)they'll put on TV/Film that's heavy on the the full frontal nudity and be all like "it's not porn, it's game of thrones" and you'll be all like "I hate looking at boobs with you guys"
5) they'll give helpful advice when your nervous like "go for a shit"
6) your kinda glad they don't see you as a "girl" cause well... they're not exactly princes among men. And they tell you their conquest's sexual foibles making you never want to have sex again cause men are bigger gossips than any of the women you've encountered.
7) their mothers really like you because they know you're a sort of mobile mothering unit.
8) you find yourself saying things like "don't eat that rancid meat, you'll all die" and that's totally normal
9) if they all live in one place, their washing machine will constantly smell like spunk and you'll often find suspect tissues... That's just life.
10) sometimes they've got your back... And sometimes they don't cause it's funnier to watch you struggle...
11) This is a weird universal truth, no matter their age, men will at some point become so excited or frustrated that they'll feel the need to pull their trousers up to the fullest extent making it nearly impossible to not look at the outline of their Balls and Peen... FACT
12) One day they will get married and you won't be able to go round to theirs and talk about anal any more... And you'll miss it.
2) their ever changing preferences re: pubic hair on "the ladies" will become something of a fun after dinner debate
3) they'll get girlfriends who you try to be friends with but fail... There's a reason your friends all have balls
4)they'll put on TV/Film that's heavy on the the full frontal nudity and be all like "it's not porn, it's game of thrones" and you'll be all like "I hate looking at boobs with you guys"
5) they'll give helpful advice when your nervous like "go for a shit"
6) your kinda glad they don't see you as a "girl" cause well... they're not exactly princes among men. And they tell you their conquest's sexual foibles making you never want to have sex again cause men are bigger gossips than any of the women you've encountered.
7) their mothers really like you because they know you're a sort of mobile mothering unit.
8) you find yourself saying things like "don't eat that rancid meat, you'll all die" and that's totally normal
9) if they all live in one place, their washing machine will constantly smell like spunk and you'll often find suspect tissues... That's just life.
10) sometimes they've got your back... And sometimes they don't cause it's funnier to watch you struggle...
11) This is a weird universal truth, no matter their age, men will at some point become so excited or frustrated that they'll feel the need to pull their trousers up to the fullest extent making it nearly impossible to not look at the outline of their Balls and Peen... FACT
12) One day they will get married and you won't be able to go round to theirs and talk about anal any more... And you'll miss it.
No comments:
Post a Comment